Julius Caesar Reimagined | Scene Two

 

SCENE 2

Caesar: Antony come here I need to ask a favour of you.

Antony: Anything for my excellency, my star-

Caesar: Yes, yes, I know that grovelling is your sole talent. That’s why I am coming to you and not anyone else. Look, er, the matter is quite sensitive. So don’t blow your stack. See… er… I need you to sleep with my wife – again.

Antony: Your majesty’s wish is my – wait what now?!

Caesar: Oh come on don’t make a big deal out of it. I know you love her, you know she is as libidinous as the day is long. Just man up and go and lay with my wife for Christ’s sake.

Antony: Respected highness, Christ won’t be coming along for another forty four years…

Caesar: OUT! Out of my sight. Go find her and do it now!

Antony: Of course, yes sir. Yes your grace!

On the other side of the stage Calpurnia and Portia are eavesdropping and talking amongst themselves.

Portia: How can you let them treat you this way? This is outrageous!

Calpurnia: Oh it’s alright my dear Portia, Caesar is doing this as a favour, not as a sign of disrespect. And frankly, I’m at a point in my life where I don’t even care. I’d spend the night with a bear if Caesar set it up for me (winks) if you know what I mean.

Portia: Why Calpurnia, someone’s quite the tramp.

Calpurnia: Certainly, I pride myself in it. Why should men have all the fun? And besides, with walking incarnations of honour and dignity like you, we need some floozies to create some balance in the world.

Portia: Something should be done about the marriage laws in the state of Rome. You’re absolutely right about the fact that men have developed an obscenely loose character. We must enact some policies, some laws, otherwise this ‘male-supremacy’ will carry on for thousands of years – and what a shame that would be. Imagine the world being run by the dumber sex for a century more than it should. It’s been long enough I tell you.

Calpurnia: You should run the State.

Portia: Oh shut up.

Calpurnia (serious): No. I mean what I say. There is no one –

Portia: Shhh… look, they’re discussing how he should approach you this time.

Both laugh and watch as the men discuss across the stage and the lights slowly dim and fade. The light focuses on Casca who watches from his perch.

Casca: Would you look at the pathetic state of ‘affairs’ Esperanza? (laughs at own pun). Women planning and plotting to take over the world with their fragile little hands. Ha! When will they understand that they were only created to continue the race? They are nothing more than farmhouses. How funny they are, thinking about politics and marriage laws. Don’t you find them funny Esperanza?